I opened a delivery of books this morning and found, amongst other things, a book entitled Mr D’Arcy’s Great Escape, written by an American lady of the name Marsh Altman.
Yes, my friends, the literary necrophiliacs are at it again, once more disinterring the bodies of great and wonderful characters and heaving against them with their pale and spotty flanks, trying in vain to reverse Frankenstein’s gestation by dragging the spark of life out of an inanimate body.
This book is yet one more in the seemingly endless series of supposed sequels to or continuations of Pride and Prejudice. I neither know nor have the stomach to investigate how many times such a thing has been perpetrated, and will leave it to another to carry out this unpleasant and thankless task, much in the manner of the man who first came up with a comprehensive list of all the different Earths in DC Comics’ pre-Crisis Multiverse.
Looking at the blurb to this volume,I learned that Mr D’Arcy’s Great Escape offered High Adventure, Derring-Do, Unjust Imprisonments, Continent-crossing clashes and, that most Austenian of concepts, Globe-Trotting Asian Assassins.
As this is purportedly the first of a no doubt lengthy series of
exploitive rip-offs lovingly constructed excursions into the beloved world of Jane Austen, I look forward to Ms Altman’s next offering, in which Mrs Elizabeth D’Arcy will undoubtedly be bitten by a radioactive spider, knit herself an immodest red and blue costume, and go swinging between the skyscrapers of the City of Bath.
When I am Dictator, there will not be such things. Any person harbouring notions such as this will be slaughtered out of hand as soon as they get within fifteen yards of a printers, and generous bounties will be disbursed upon production of the stripped-out hard drives from their laptops.
And we shall all settle down with a good book.