When I am Dictator – The Present Government

It goes without saying that, from the moment of my self-elevation to the position of absolute Dictator, and wellspring of this once-fair country’s return to its former position of pre-eminence as a really nice place to live, with decent people acting decently towards one another, those who are currrently leading us further downhill into the Age of Whiggery will be not merely deposed, but held in durance vile – and it’s going to be pretty damned vile, I can assure you of that – until such time as the manner of their disposition can be properly and aptly determined.

Given that Messrs David Cameron and Gideon Osborne, with the assistance of the cringing toad, Clegg, have acted towards this country with egotism, arrogance and a flagrantly reactionary spirit – not to mention behaving like absolute shits – something must be done to show the Bullingdon Boys, both elected and those few who will escape the cull that will inevitably follow, that their inbuilt belief that this land belongs to them alone is both ignorant, wrong and needs beating out of them with a high degree of irony, not to mention iron bars.

But the real problem exercising me lies with the fact that this Government has promoted so many selfish, self-centred, class-biassed, half-cocked and plain nasty ideas of how to punish the poor, the old and the ill for not being part of the Ruling Classes that there’s an embarrassment of riches when it comes to karmically pure and utterly satisfying punishments for the evil bastards.

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