24: Legacy – episode 1

If only...
If only…

I wasn’t even going to watch this. Without Jack Bauer, I had not even the vestige of nostalgia to persuade me to ever watch 24 again, even to snark it unmercifully in the manner that I did for Live Another Day.

But once out, it is sometimes not easy to stay out. And 24: Legacy has pulled a dirty trick upon me, requiring me to at least watch its first episode. What evil, twisted, device is it using to drag its helpless victim back in?

Miranda Otto.

That’s right. Eowyn from the Lord of the Rings movies. The fair and beauteous Miranda Otto who, being an Australian actress, doesn’t appear all that often in films or television shown in this hemisphere of the world, is a major supporting character in this otherwise indefensible piece-of-shit and so, for as long as she survives, I am stuck with it.

I am a weak man.

But when I came to watch the pilot episode, I found that I couldn’t get through to the end. I couldn’t watch it. Not because it was bad: bad, I could have excoriated. Because it was hollow.

Based on the three-quarters of the episode I managed to sit through, what we have here is the re-erection of the shell of 24‘s first season, when it was still something that could be taken seriously, when it operated within the realms of (plausible) reality. CTU is back, and just as the assassination operation in season 1 was ultimately revealed to be personally directed at Jack Bauer over a Kill operation in Serbia, this story is upfront about new star Eric Carter being targeted over a Kill operation in Muslim country.

There’s nothing egregiously stupid so far, Corey Hawkins being black introduces a new cultural perception, with a background in urban gangs (so blacks are being treated with the same avoidance of cliche as Muslims then), and it’s not in the least bit interesting. Even Miranda Otto can’t justify sitting there and looking at this.

So I shalln’t bother. I shall not be so utterly shallow after all. I shall not endure Jimmy Smits suddenly looking old, fat and unfit. I shall erase all thought of suspicion about new CTU Director Keith Mullins, just because he’s played by Teddy Sears, the fake Jay Garrick and Big Bad of season 2 of The Flash. I will think nothing further of this dull cash-in.

Ah, Miranda. If only… you got cast in something better.

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